i am not a good daughter, i just haven't caused my parents any trouble...
i have never given them any happiness, its just that their worries do not revolve around me...
i haven't given them the respect they deserve, i just am not disrespectful...
i don't strive hard enough, my life is withering away within these thoughts...i wish too much but hope for none... i don't dream yet the reality keeps me going...
...i feel like running away (yes, again) but the paths are lost... there is only this narrow little path and so i keep walking on that...i cant see where it is leading me, i don't really care, i am just walking...
...i condemn 'me' of the behavior that i present myself with... yet i pretend that there isn't anything wrong
...i look for the reasons...i search myself time and again... but i am hollow... so empty, completely devoid of the factors needed to make my parents' life better... so i just go on living the way i already do...
this is me, this is yet another face of myself... this is the daughter that i am to two people who have so extravagantly loved me that it makes me guilty. People who smile when they see me smiling and who's eyes crowd with worry when i am in one of my stupid moods... the souls who let me live my life... give me the right to make my own decisions trying their best to hide their exact feelings about the matter until after i have decided...
Parenthood...its a damn difficult job, scares the hell out of me at least...and i think not everyone is strong enough to carry this duty... we humans are flawed... and be it any position, criticism is always there, which makes their life more difficult though challenging. If the darn child isn't intelligent, 'the parents didn't pay attention'... if the child is not successful or doing well in studies, 'parents negligence' ...in particular cases, i can agree but HELLLOOO its not always the parents fault you know... we being the supreme beings are born with a brain, and we don't really need any lessons in how to use it...parents can make mistakes too, it should not instigate the blame game...that leads no one anywhere...why don't people realize that...wasting time accusing, grieving, fighting...dude life is too short for all this ...maybe there should be a book titled 'how to use brain affectively for idiots' ...
hats off to all those parents who tolerate children like my siblings and I... its not an easy job ...nope sir, its not easy... !
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
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19 comments:
hmm.... is everything fine?
you started this with such a sad/confused tone. It almost made me feel .... eemm.... worried... I think you wrote this when you were in the full swing of your emotions? right?
.... coz by the end you were at another point, yup, its not easy to be parents :(
but I dont think you can say this that you havent given them the happiness they deserved, believe me its part of being parents that one loves their children no matter what they do, or are, parents just find their own ways of keeping them self happy :)
honestly you cant even say that their worries dont run around you, I am so sure they do get worried about the smallest things related to you.
hope you are doing well ..... I almost every day feel like writing such sad and depressing thoughts of mine :) but then I wait, I sleep over them, and at times they dont come back or atleast I dont get time to write about them later on :P
so keep looking around for those little things which might make you happy! :)
cheers!
right ... life is too short :)
too short to be gloomy and sad about anything, if something is wrong around you, fix it, if you cant fix it, then atleast dont feel bad about it.
in chicken soup for soul, I found this prayer, this makes sense.
Its called serenity prayer:
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
peace~~~~
I don't exactly know how old you are.. but chicken soup sucks..
try reality for a change.. :)
trust me.. i'm a psychologist by profession and I don't think blaming yourself for being a bad daughter is going to do you any good now..
the best you can do is accept the responsibilities you have now and move on with them without giving too much thought to the past.
and recover from that idealism. sheesh...
chicken soup sucks in a way that it sounds more like a religious book.... but that was just what came to my mind then (which at times is as far as one can get from reality), and ok even if I say I am not such a fan of praying at most of the times, it is more like I found that prayer a bit related....
so is this reply for me or for Mahwash?
I dont feel like finding it out if she had also refered to the chicken soup, but most of your reply seems to be addressed to her apart from the chicken soup part?
so .... here I am a bit confused, as I aint no ones daughter, but I would agree that trying reality is a good option, but how can you be so sure that I havent?
may be your understanding of reality is not the same as mine, coz after all this reality is something I wud say a bit tricky to get your grasp on, isnt it?
or is it like you think you have figured it all out? coz if you have then its great, start explaining?
oh I see .... so I guess it was partly for me and partly for her, coz its really obvious that her profile shows her age, and yeah now I am sure that she hasnt used chicken soup in her blog at all.
So I am 22, and ... I am not such a follower of the chicken soup series but tried this one part a couple of months back and found it a bit interresting.
so .... was that all following advice for me? about leaving idealism n all or for Mahwash? :/
That comment was directed to both you and the post-author. Both of you seem way too idealistic for the real world. 22 is a great age for being a little more optimistic than necessary.
I am not a big fan of pessimism either, I believe in prayer and the power it can have in lives - but at the same time, I don't think it's altogether advisable to think that it is all that solves all problems. People have got to give up the rosy notion that all will be magically well and it's always going to be PERFECT with parents.
It has never been like that, it never will be like that and the sooner we accept this reality and move on, the better.
rite, I agree that only prayers never make any difference.
I am an optimist, but not about all the things, there is a certain level of realism which keeps it all balanced.
About my post that was just in an attempt to make her think about something different, may be something better.
What do you call some one who has this habbit of always trying to show things to others from a lil different perspective, not neccessarily the one he/she thinks is correct, but just that it is sort of a habit to come up with counter arguments?
What do you call some one who has this habbit of always trying to show things to others from a lil different perspective, not neccessarily the one he/she thinks is correct, but just that it is sort of a habit to come up with counter arguments?
An idiot.
Oh... I see, I thought you being a psycologist might have created some difference in the way you think.
My wrong, I shouldnt have expected you to be any different. Just wondering if it is part of you being a psycologist that you "judge" people without even knowing them or is it just something you do, which was not even changed by studying psycology.
This was what I thought from your first post here, and yeah you dont surprise me much even after a few more posts :)
oh my i have missed out all these comments...first thank you Esfand and Majaz for your time...
...now about the post, majaz i consider myself a realist... but as we are all humans so i wander of to terrains like idealism in certain phases of my life... i don't know if you have based your assumption on just this post or overall ...
Asfand... i read one version of chicken soup... en i really liked certain quotes in it...and thank you for your concern, i was just in some kinda mood when i started writing this, par by the time i finished it i was in a different phase...so yes you figured it pehle he :)
Esfand -
I feel bad for you now. Because you've been offended and I really don't think you should take random blog comments that seriously.
From a psychologist - trust me that's valuable advice. :P
Mahwash -
I have based my 'assumption' on your current post. Being a daughter is a hard job to do as it is. Idealism can only make it worse.
What do you call some one who has this habit of always trying to show things to others from a lil different perspective, not necessarily the one he/she thinks is correct, but just that it is sort of a habit to come up with counter arguments?
An idiot.
...i disagree... everyone is different and have their way of perceiving life. how they communicate their thoughts or make people perceive certain things and why is a unique factor that should be respected... you presented your point of view and i appreciate the straightforwardness... :)
It's a unique factor until it becomes a habit ... until it becomes irritating. Most 'idiots' like to browbeat others into accepting their point of view and get offended when others don't share it WITH them. To me that's sheer idiocy. Others will continue to have their own opinions about things. You may want to add something to a discussion by saying or expressing something new and innovaive ... but to simply reiterate your own point of view every time someone has a diametrically opposite opinion ... is nothing short of stupidity for me.
I have based my 'assumption' on your current post. Being a daughter is a hard job to do as it is. Idealism can only make it worse.
thats cool then :)...feel free to comment on other posts, id like to know a psychologists point of view ;)
It's a unique factor until it becomes a habit ... until it becomes irritating.
i see you have had experience :)...
Others will continue to have their own opinions about things. You may want to add something to a discussion by saying or expressing something new and innovative ... but to simply reiterate your own point of view every time someone has a diametrically opposite opinion ... is nothing short of stupidity for me.
i dont think any of us (esfand en myself) disagree with you here... in a professional field you get to meet many people who are like that, i apply the 'ignorance is a blessing' wali theory here, and it works most of the time.
@majaz - naaah, I dont get offended so easily, trust me if I start geting offended with such small things life will become horrible for me :)
I almost always try to listen and understand what others have to offer, it is my way of learning about new perspectives, last time I wrote about you not being different than others was coz I thought that 'idiot' was a pretty common term, like I had expected some thing more deeper, more professional from you, after all you wrote this your self that you were a psycologist (and I thought you must be proud of that), like those who really enjoy their profession and actually use it in other places than their work places.
and yeah I so agree with you majaz and mahwash about people trying to impose their own ideas and thoughts on others.
Some how I just wrongly felt as if I was being refered to, while you wrote about people who do this, but then I know I hardly every do this :D as most of the time I enjoy listening to others, and yeah love expressing my self only at a place where I feel so certain that no one will accept to what I say, and so eventually will lead me to some new way of looking at that particular problem. So this is like my pet rule to get done with problems that I have, or my way of learning how to approach a problem in a new way. After all whats the fun to talk with some one who just totally agrees to what I have to say and cant add a bit.... so yeah there are tens of psycological terms bumping in my head to define all that I have just said, but I aint no psycologist, although I do love this particular subject :D just took a single course almost like psych 101, but with a mix of sociology so that was my only formal exposure to it.
anyways, I am in mid of such great spring breaks :D so I will be back to the posts soon...
thanks mahwash! ;)
Sigh.
I knew this would happen.
I ask people to be realistic and they end up being defensive.
Look, dude, all your lengthy explanations and me being a psychologist on one side ... if I wanted to get textbooky on you I'd go into a detailed theory of interpersonal relationships...
.. but when it comes down to real life, all psychology boils down to having a solid reality contact. Understanding what the environment demands of you and not living in a fairyland of your own.
Sorry if what I've said has offended you in some way... but seriously. You need to think beyond these lines of what should and should not be... Ethics and right and wrong are all necessary... but the gray areas...
.. sometimes they need more attention than the plain black and white.
PS. Sorry, Mahwash, for screwing up your blog wiht this debate! :P
haha... right, by the way, it seems like I am not the only one who cannot keep up with one topic :P
so yeah you are not the one who wud like to get textbooky :D tho I would have loved to see u do that :( but yeah I know many professionals who dont like doing that ....
and yeah grey areas are the one where most of our lives are spent talking and discussing issues :D
ok ok ... lets not continue with this debate here :P coz just like any other debate we wont reach a conclusion :D but yeah I dont find a single thing you said that I would disagree with, n yeah I have already said the rest :D
... will be back to your blogs soon~
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