The daughter that i am...!

i am not a good daughter, i just haven't caused my parents any trouble...

i have never given them any happiness, its just that their worries do not revolve around me...

i haven't given them the respect they deserve, i just am not disrespectful...

i don't strive hard enough, my life is withering away within these thoughts...i wish too much but hope for none... i don't dream yet the reality keeps me going...
...i feel like running away (yes, again) but the paths are lost... there is only this narrow little path and so i keep walking on that...i cant see where it is leading me, i don't really care, i am just walking...

...i condemn 'me' of the behavior that i present myself with... yet i pretend that there isn't anything wrong

...i look for the reasons...i search myself time and again... but i am hollow... so empty, completely devoid of the factors needed to make my parents' life better... so i just go on living the way i already do...

this is me, this is yet another face of myself... this is the daughter that i am to two people who have so extravagantly loved me that it makes me guilty. People who smile when they see me smiling and who's eyes crowd with worry when i am in one of my stupid moods... the souls who let me live my life... give me the right to make my own decisions trying their best to hide their exact feelings about the matter until after i have decided...

Parenthood...its a damn difficult job, scares the hell out of me at least...and i think not everyone is strong enough to carry this duty... we humans are flawed... and be it any position, criticism is always there, which makes their life more difficult though challenging. If the darn child isn't intelligent, 'the parents didn't pay attention'... if the child is not successful or doing well in studies, 'parents negligence' ...in particular cases, i can agree but HELLLOOO its not always the parents fault you know... we being the supreme beings are born with a brain, and we don't really need any lessons in how to use it...parents can make mistakes too, it should not instigate the blame game...that leads no one anywhere...why don't people realize that...wasting time accusing, grieving, fighting...dude life is too short for all this ...maybe there should be a book titled 'how to use brain affectively for idiots' ...

hats off to all those parents who tolerate children like my siblings and I... its not an easy job ...nope sir, its not easy... !