Strange...!

Memories strange how they come at all the strange times in this strange world here I was reading a book and suddenly the thought flashed through my mind that im going to have to leave this city that ive come to like, these friends that are strange yet I would call them friends, this neighborhood although I don’t know many people yet seems mine, this house which I had started calling home, this very room which ive come to adore, all these things. I started to draw got my sketch book. I can’t make imaginary things. My imagination is weak not that I can’t imagine I can do that but what I imagine I can’t create. My hand does not support my mind I know what color what expression I want in my portrait yet I can’t draw it. How strange that my mind overflowing with pictures, ideas, concepts, theories. Yet none I can apply. I can’t show them to any one cannot explain when my own body does not acknowledge it.

I was drawing eyes I can’t get them expressing that particular expression that ones eyes express. They always express something I know. People say I have very expressive eyes. I like that I think I do have expressive eyes. Got them from my ma. U know its really dangerous to have expressive eyes at least I am scared of it cause I have this crazy notion that the things I don’t want anyone to know can be seen or read from my eyes. That really scares me cause there are many secrets in my life which are very sacred to me. Specially if I like someone like a latest crush or something I can not simply bare to look in his eyes I just cant. I feel that if I looked my eyes will betray me. Crazy thing I know. Its strange cant get it out of my system. So I was drawing theses silly eyes trying to improve my drawing then this deck played this old song by marc Anthony “my angels lullaby” what a lovely soothing song love it and don’t know from where I felt my self in my college . yah I was there on my last day there I remember so clearly it was evening, beautiful weather, it was my last practical. I was walking down in front of the labs and I looked up at the sky it was so blue. Stroked with patches of white and a tinge of black how beautiful how God can make such beautiful images with this superb thing ‘clouds’ there was a light breeze touching my face I felt so light yet a heavy feeling was prevailing over me, a feeling that I wont come here anymore the days I spent there . .. Superb days, one of the best of my life I felt life there, yes life in its true colors. I learned that music can make u realize the beauty of life. The friends u make they are the good friends not before and after college can u get such friendship no way believe me talking of personal experience. This friendship is strange these people u meet come from different places they don’t know u and they have never seen u before, never seen anyone like u , nothing yet u start talking over just nothing and end up know each other inside out . Strange how well a friend can know u. but u know that that can only happen if u allow. Well if a person doesn’t want anyone to know anything about him or her no one can I believe that. Yet some people think they know u sooooooo well yet they are the ones who know nothing at all.

And those few angels who just smile at u and shake there head in that meaning full way they know u , they know u well and they don’t even have to say it. Strange … God I keep wandering into other topics so I was remembering my time there in the college then I went into the ground area the inner portion of the campus. It was so clear I could practically feel the air on my face, smell of wet sand, hear the sound of the birds chirping so loudly or I could hear it . It was never so clear there was always so much noise of the students I never heard the birds so clearly or loudly. Maybe they were so loud that day maybe they were saying good bye u can never guess the ways of nature. that tree that big wide tree in the path to go to the café that’s where the birds were, u had to run under it to save from the fescues to fall on u. but it was a beautiful tree and that day it danced on the tunes of the air, melted with the melody of the wind and matched the mood of the sky. It was all so beautiful. It was all blue and grey and neat everything was neat and tidy although u never had that feeling on normal days in college but that day was special it was my last day there. It certainly was. I looked around it was very quite everything was very still at peace nothing was complaining. No hard feeling, no grudges, no promises nothing. Just quietness, stillness, emptiness, that’s all. It was beautiful I stayed there for sometime memorizing everything the classes where I spent my two years the seats on which I used to stand and shout ‘CLASS’ and my whole beautiful class would hush down to hear me I loved them then they wont listen to the president it was only me that respect they gave me its unforgettable. That window I loved, I used to jump in and out of it to get the teacher or to pass a message, to get chalk or even to bunk the class. It was my symbol everyone knew id come in through that window. In free time I used to sit in that window talking with friends keeping a lookout for maam and shouting on the first glimpse of the teacher for the class to get organized. Ahh good old days.

Those stairs our pet place. Every part of the campus reminded me of something. A tiny memory, some little incidences, unforgettable for the rest of my life. I left the college without turning to look again I never looked back. I had enough to last me lifetime. Every detail, every path, every stair, every window everything engraved on my mind forever. I never looked back I didn’t need to . Life changes so drastically. Strange ….